Sad

Virgil is tending to our son's grave at Xmas time, in Utah. Virgil's grave is just a few feet away from Nick's. I don't think I can bear the horrible pain that resides in my old feeble heart. It won't go away..... memories don't seem to ease it any. I'm still hoping time will heal me.
Nick's grave. He was a top notch architect with a prestigous firm in SLC. So kind and fun and funny. He played golf, rode horses, traveled, I miss him so very much..... A mother's true joy in life.
Katie's grave. I decorated it for Xmas yesterday, agan. She gave me a nightmareish existence, but I love her so very much. I'd do it again.... all the tears, money, raising her precious children, hiding from her in my closet when she was high on drugs... (sigh)

A Xmas card from a relative made me relive old memories. I have less than half my family left, and thinking about the loved ones that are gone, makes me very sad. Very, very sad. I cry a lot. I slouch further down in my old chair. I feel very very alone. It is hard to face the world when I realise the truth. I wish folks who still have all their families, wouldn't gloat.